All right. I got into Facebook because everyone else was doing it. It was really cool when I got connected with people I hadn't seen since my wedding. I have actually looked at a couple of their pictures of their kids and looked at what they are doing at times. I even got in contact with my cousin which is awesome. We never really got on the phone with each other and live too far away. But I have mixed feelings.
My home page tells me that I have 80 friends--that is particularly affirming and certainly 80 more than I think I had in Middle School. But are they really my friends? Who are they and what role do they play in my life? Obviously I keep in touch with some of them more than others, but who are these people and how do I categorize them? Forgive me for over-engineering this thing (can't you just enjoy this?). Seriously, what expectations ought we have of our friends on facebook.
I think I would like to listen to you on this one and then weigh in a week later. My thinking right now leads me to lean on my last blog entry ("Are you in my personal space?") and think that Facebook is a unique social circle with me in the middle.
What do you think?
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Are you in my personal space?
Joseph Myers in his book, The Search to Belong wrote about the different kinds of ways we find belonging. He used the concept developed in the sixties called proxemics to put this together. You know this concept because you use the phrase, "you are in my personal space, please get out!"
Myers defines belonging this way: "Belonging happens when you identify with another entity--a person or organization, or perhaps a species, cluture, or ethnic group." The Search to Belong, p. 25
How do the different spaces of belonging work out?
Public Belonging--a large community that we each find a sense of belonging from. I am an Eagles fan and have a sense of belonging with other Eagles fans that I don't know. I belong to Willowdale Chapel though I don't know everyone who attends there. I find belonging as a Blue Hen, a UD grad. From the proxemics point of view, this parallels public space--when there is generally 12'+ space. That is why people generally don't want to be in the front row at church. Too close for public space! Now, you might not think that this connection is very powerful, but don't tell that to the 65,000 people who spend unreal money to belong at each Eagles home game. A football stadium event is an event in belonging. Nobody knows anything else about anybody in that stadium except that they are crazy for the Eagles. Many of these people bend their lives around this community. Myers puts it this way: "They connect because of the outside influence, not because of shared personal information." p.41
Social Community--These are my friends that tend to be acquaintances. I hang out with them at work and may have lunch with them. These are not people you will share the intimate details of your life, but they will often hear (though maybe not remember) what you did last weekend. I belong to my small group in this way. Often times these are the friendships that get kicked around because they are "shallow" and only concern "superficial" things. Yet, they are powerful because they draw us into neighbor-like relationships. Neighborhoods have always provided safety and care throughout the centuries. This could be geographical neighborhoods or the neighborhoods that come into being through small groups and Sunday Schools. One family in my small group are going through a very challenging time as the wife has undergone two surgeries in a week. She has never really bore any personal intimate details of her life and we haven't asked her to, yet. But she is experiencing community as she is recieving, meals, visits, phone calls, babysitting, etc. from these very powerful and at times "superficial" friendships. She belongs to our small group, and doggonit, we are going to care for her!
Personal Belonging--Myers describes it this way, "Personal space is where we connect through sharing private--although not "naked"--experiences, feelings, and thoughts... These are the relationships that most people mention when they think of "community."" p. 49-50 I have found these kind of friendships consistently through the years in two-three other men to whom I am accountable to in my walk with Christ. I don't "nakedly dump" by stuff on them, but I open myself up to them in a disciplined and authentic way for the purpose of being known and challenged to grow.
Intimate Belonging-- "In intimate space, we share "naked" experiences, feelings, and thoughts. Very few relationships are intimate. Intimate relationships are those in which anothe rperson know the "naked truth" about us and yet the tow of us are "not ashamed." Myers p. 50-51 Nakedness and lack of shame mark this kind of belonging. This is quite often a spouse and/or a best friend.
Sometimes intimate belonging is thought to be the "goal of community". Myers suggest that someone with a healthy experience of belonging hold a harmonious set of connections within the four spaces. What do you think?
Myers defines belonging this way: "Belonging happens when you identify with another entity--a person or organization, or perhaps a species, cluture, or ethnic group." The Search to Belong, p. 25
How do the different spaces of belonging work out?
Public Belonging--a large community that we each find a sense of belonging from. I am an Eagles fan and have a sense of belonging with other Eagles fans that I don't know. I belong to Willowdale Chapel though I don't know everyone who attends there. I find belonging as a Blue Hen, a UD grad. From the proxemics point of view, this parallels public space--when there is generally 12'+ space. That is why people generally don't want to be in the front row at church. Too close for public space! Now, you might not think that this connection is very powerful, but don't tell that to the 65,000 people who spend unreal money to belong at each Eagles home game. A football stadium event is an event in belonging. Nobody knows anything else about anybody in that stadium except that they are crazy for the Eagles. Many of these people bend their lives around this community. Myers puts it this way: "They connect because of the outside influence, not because of shared personal information." p.41
Social Community--These are my friends that tend to be acquaintances. I hang out with them at work and may have lunch with them. These are not people you will share the intimate details of your life, but they will often hear (though maybe not remember) what you did last weekend. I belong to my small group in this way. Often times these are the friendships that get kicked around because they are "shallow" and only concern "superficial" things. Yet, they are powerful because they draw us into neighbor-like relationships. Neighborhoods have always provided safety and care throughout the centuries. This could be geographical neighborhoods or the neighborhoods that come into being through small groups and Sunday Schools. One family in my small group are going through a very challenging time as the wife has undergone two surgeries in a week. She has never really bore any personal intimate details of her life and we haven't asked her to, yet. But she is experiencing community as she is recieving, meals, visits, phone calls, babysitting, etc. from these very powerful and at times "superficial" friendships. She belongs to our small group, and doggonit, we are going to care for her!
Personal Belonging--Myers describes it this way, "Personal space is where we connect through sharing private--although not "naked"--experiences, feelings, and thoughts... These are the relationships that most people mention when they think of "community."" p. 49-50 I have found these kind of friendships consistently through the years in two-three other men to whom I am accountable to in my walk with Christ. I don't "nakedly dump" by stuff on them, but I open myself up to them in a disciplined and authentic way for the purpose of being known and challenged to grow.
Intimate Belonging-- "In intimate space, we share "naked" experiences, feelings, and thoughts. Very few relationships are intimate. Intimate relationships are those in which anothe rperson know the "naked truth" about us and yet the tow of us are "not ashamed." Myers p. 50-51 Nakedness and lack of shame mark this kind of belonging. This is quite often a spouse and/or a best friend.
Sometimes intimate belonging is thought to be the "goal of community". Myers suggest that someone with a healthy experience of belonging hold a harmonious set of connections within the four spaces. What do you think?
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